Monday, May 28, 2012

Trying to determine my next steps...

So, mom is home for a week.  It's nice to see her, but her return seems a bit strange, only because of this Memorial Day party that she wants to do.  I hate parties... thus I am not enthusiastic about this little event at all.  I want to be positive, but I'm on this honesty streak and honestly, I don't care about all this party stuff.  I'm not sure of what I shall do tomorrow, but I guess I will just toughen up and bare the festivities.

Ian has moved out before my mom's arrival.  I suppose that he is at Iris' home or at a shelter.  My feelings... uh... almost nothing.  Things are fine for the most part.  I just see that our family is dissolving.  I find that sad, but it is what it is.

I'm looking forward to going to DC.  I leave on Friday.  I only have two more days of work on Tuesday and Thursday.  That should be fun.  I will work in the Corporate Records Office of the National Archives for 10 weeks.  That should be fun enough.  I'll just try to embrace the best that I can.  However, Diana Johnston made me feel that she did not enjoy the work as much as she would enjoy traveling.  I very much echo her sentiment.  Diana is one of the employees of the Corporate Records Office.

She and I had a long conversation about career, languages, and other things.  I was surprised that she and the team accepted me for the internship.  I thought that my interview had gone on too long and that I had messed up, but I got the spot.  We'll see how things go.

I think that all that I want right now is freedom.  I feel obligated to this party tomorrow, but I will embrace it and just be merry with the people who show up.  I hope that my mother will be happy too.  Even though she is here, I feel like she is orchestrating too much activity since her arrival on Saturday and thus I can't have a quiet moment with her.  I don't know why she's so adamant about being so active after returning home.  I don't see why she's not content to be at rest at home, but I suppose that I have her nature, considering I'm heading to DC and to Martinique.  I pray to God that I get accepted for a Foreign Service Officer position.  Or that I discover something else that I would like to do to repay my student loans and just to be happy in general.

I'm toying with the idea of inviting Valancia to the party, but I don't completely want to invite her.

I feel so off...  I feel like... I don't... have a real place at home.  I don't know...  I just feel strange.  My soul yearns for another place.  I think that's all.

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