I'm trying to choose a future.
If I succeed in being hired for a full time librarian job, then I will take it. I have applied to work as a French teacher and as a Media Specialist for Atlanta Public Schools. If I get such a position, I will take it. I have allowed my idealism and my realism to wrestle and the winner is ... pragmatism. Thus, I need money and working full time in the U.S. will allow me to have it.
The alternative is to continue to be a ruffian and teach English in the Republic of Georgia and maybe go to Korea to teach for six months. I'm not sure about doing either since I am receiving mom's Social Security Benefit money and using it to pay the mortgage and house bills.
A friend, Alésandra, reinforced the idea that I take vacations in the summer and work full time as a French teacher. I found her advice profound. I ask myself if I would really be so satisfied working abroad. Perhaps that life is over for me at least for now. Perhaps I could reignite that life in the future.
Thus... if I stay in Georgia and work full time. I could get married and have children. That opens a new door of life experiences. Perhaps it's time that I embrace that aspect of adult life. Well, I will try to relax and be patient and not go crazy over estimating my potential future.
I feel like I am giving up, but maybe I am just growing up? Only God knows.
As for love, I like Ava. We do have differences that I think we both shield from the other, but we admire each other as friends. She has a house given to her by her mother. She has that responsibility so I think it won't be easy for us to be together. I reminded myself that I like Melissa Grammont. I don't know if she could like me, but we do talk to each other easily. I may ask her if she wants to go out.
Working at Upward Bound... can be a challenge. I learn SO MUCH from the students about high school life of today. There's a lot that I didn't know. At times I get annoyed at the staff and their side-chatter, but I've learned to endure it and move on and keep my personal hope alive. At times I have little interest in living in Georgia due to my experience of working there. I just get that feeling that working an Atlanta public school will just be worse. I believe my hope will be a librarian job or something in archives, but getting such a position is DIFFICULT! Which is a big reason why I constantly want to leave and teach abroad.
Working at Habitat for Humanity is better, but the work is new. Perhaps I will have problems later, but since the work atmosphere is ecumenical and corporate, I don't feel agitated there. However, I know that I should tackle my hair. I get so lazy about it though that I don't care how my hair looks at all most of the time. I guess I shall shave myself bald finally. I may keep the beard. I like the beard.
I guess if I get a full time job, I may buy a car, but if it's not necessary, I shall not. A car is a chasm of cost that I have been avoiding like the plague!
I guess that I'll figure out my future little by little. I must keep things in perspective and not lose hope. I could go to Georgia, but when I think that I'll return to the U.S. for work... I don't feel completely confident about the future. Mom's health is also a great factor in my decisions. I think that ultimately I shall stay and not go. Let's see.
If I succeed in being hired for a full time librarian job, then I will take it. I have applied to work as a French teacher and as a Media Specialist for Atlanta Public Schools. If I get such a position, I will take it. I have allowed my idealism and my realism to wrestle and the winner is ... pragmatism. Thus, I need money and working full time in the U.S. will allow me to have it.
The alternative is to continue to be a ruffian and teach English in the Republic of Georgia and maybe go to Korea to teach for six months. I'm not sure about doing either since I am receiving mom's Social Security Benefit money and using it to pay the mortgage and house bills.
A friend, Alésandra, reinforced the idea that I take vacations in the summer and work full time as a French teacher. I found her advice profound. I ask myself if I would really be so satisfied working abroad. Perhaps that life is over for me at least for now. Perhaps I could reignite that life in the future.
Thus... if I stay in Georgia and work full time. I could get married and have children. That opens a new door of life experiences. Perhaps it's time that I embrace that aspect of adult life. Well, I will try to relax and be patient and not go crazy over estimating my potential future.
I feel like I am giving up, but maybe I am just growing up? Only God knows.
As for love, I like Ava. We do have differences that I think we both shield from the other, but we admire each other as friends. She has a house given to her by her mother. She has that responsibility so I think it won't be easy for us to be together. I reminded myself that I like Melissa Grammont. I don't know if she could like me, but we do talk to each other easily. I may ask her if she wants to go out.
Working at Upward Bound... can be a challenge. I learn SO MUCH from the students about high school life of today. There's a lot that I didn't know. At times I get annoyed at the staff and their side-chatter, but I've learned to endure it and move on and keep my personal hope alive. At times I have little interest in living in Georgia due to my experience of working there. I just get that feeling that working an Atlanta public school will just be worse. I believe my hope will be a librarian job or something in archives, but getting such a position is DIFFICULT! Which is a big reason why I constantly want to leave and teach abroad.
Working at Habitat for Humanity is better, but the work is new. Perhaps I will have problems later, but since the work atmosphere is ecumenical and corporate, I don't feel agitated there. However, I know that I should tackle my hair. I get so lazy about it though that I don't care how my hair looks at all most of the time. I guess I shall shave myself bald finally. I may keep the beard. I like the beard.
I guess if I get a full time job, I may buy a car, but if it's not necessary, I shall not. A car is a chasm of cost that I have been avoiding like the plague!
I guess that I'll figure out my future little by little. I must keep things in perspective and not lose hope. I could go to Georgia, but when I think that I'll return to the U.S. for work... I don't feel completely confident about the future. Mom's health is also a great factor in my decisions. I think that ultimately I shall stay and not go. Let's see.
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