My attraction to women and men and my sexual fantasies are a whirlwind. I want to marry a woman and to only desire one woman for the rest of my life. I hold myself back with thoughts of the images of men that I saw in pornography, in muscle magazines and in pictures online. The decision to look at these things and the trap of sexual immorality have been demons upon my soul for YEARS! I pray to God for spiritual freedom from these evil thoughts. I want peace of mind forever. I have made an excellent progression during this Lenten season. I have not looked at pornography at all since I began!!!! I praise God for this. The Lord shall truly deliver us all from our sins. I feel so good for this accomplishment that I have made with God.
I'm so tired of being "stalked" by my wicked thoughts. I haven't even had sex, but I make myself guilty for my sexual thoughts. I know that God doesn't want us to have wicked thoughts towards the opposite sex, so I think at some point I told myself it was OK or better to think about men instead, since that seemed the "lesser sin than to think about women. BUT, I was really wrong. I just pray that one day I will heal from this mentality and that I will find a girl who can love me in spite of my overzealous self-doubting. I like Valancia, but I feel it is now a bit too late to pursue her. As well she does not want to marry and does not want to attend church or fully embrace God, thus she is ABSOLUTELY wrong for me. I will see her only as a friend and a Haitian sister.
I still like Melissa Perez. As crazy as that is. She and I were supposed to go out years ago on two occasions, but she never appeared. I forgave her for that, but... I was very disappointed. I haven't forgotten her failure to appear. She said that she wasn't sure about me... I guess I should give her another chance, but she's 2 years and 7 months older than me, so I feel too off kilter with her in terms of age.
I still consider Melissa Grammont. She lives in Gwinnett County, thus we're far apart. I don't know if she could be interested in dating me, but we have librarianship in common at least. We shall see what happens.
I think that God wants me to be content being single. I was thinking yesterday at the Point of Grace Church that if I never find myself able to commit to a relationship with a woman, that I shall become a monk or remain celibate for life. I don't want to live a homosexual life. I cannot tolerate it to that end. I want to live for God. God is all for which I live. = Dieu est tout pour ce que je vis. For me that means marrying a woman and loving her for all my life. I think that I could never cheat on my wife, because I would never want her to cheat on me. In the Bible it says that a man must love his wife as Christ loved the Church (the people that believed in him.) I would vow to do this to my wife. I pray that I accomplish this with my life.
Life is a gift, and I want to use my gift well. I want to use my gift of life for God and reap the good rewards that the Lord promises. I believe Him and what he promises us all.
I'm so tired of being "stalked" by my wicked thoughts. I haven't even had sex, but I make myself guilty for my sexual thoughts. I know that God doesn't want us to have wicked thoughts towards the opposite sex, so I think at some point I told myself it was OK or better to think about men instead, since that seemed the "lesser sin than to think about women. BUT, I was really wrong. I just pray that one day I will heal from this mentality and that I will find a girl who can love me in spite of my overzealous self-doubting. I like Valancia, but I feel it is now a bit too late to pursue her. As well she does not want to marry and does not want to attend church or fully embrace God, thus she is ABSOLUTELY wrong for me. I will see her only as a friend and a Haitian sister.
I still like Melissa Perez. As crazy as that is. She and I were supposed to go out years ago on two occasions, but she never appeared. I forgave her for that, but... I was very disappointed. I haven't forgotten her failure to appear. She said that she wasn't sure about me... I guess I should give her another chance, but she's 2 years and 7 months older than me, so I feel too off kilter with her in terms of age.
I still consider Melissa Grammont. She lives in Gwinnett County, thus we're far apart. I don't know if she could be interested in dating me, but we have librarianship in common at least. We shall see what happens.
I think that God wants me to be content being single. I was thinking yesterday at the Point of Grace Church that if I never find myself able to commit to a relationship with a woman, that I shall become a monk or remain celibate for life. I don't want to live a homosexual life. I cannot tolerate it to that end. I want to live for God. God is all for which I live. = Dieu est tout pour ce que je vis. For me that means marrying a woman and loving her for all my life. I think that I could never cheat on my wife, because I would never want her to cheat on me. In the Bible it says that a man must love his wife as Christ loved the Church (the people that believed in him.) I would vow to do this to my wife. I pray that I accomplish this with my life.
Life is a gift, and I want to use my gift well. I want to use my gift of life for God and reap the good rewards that the Lord promises. I believe Him and what he promises us all.
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