Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Latest thoughts

I like this porn star, Jazzie Que / Jasmine Stallion... problem!  LOL.  She's attractive, but I wouldn't want to marry her.  That's my aim as a Christian to pursue a woman that I would marry.  It is strange that I like her, but she has an admirable body.  It's her colorful wigs and tattoos on her butt that I like.  I try to be a man of God, but I still like "rougher" or "ghetto" women.

In congruence with this topic... mom and I went to Harry's with Shaunah.  That was out of the blue!  I wish that mom had not requested to go, but she enjoyed going and buying some things.  I think that my mom may drive me a bit nuts with her purchases, but I will try my best to create a budget for her.

I will probably apply for food stamps again.

Back to Shaunah... I started to "admire" her body again.  She told me that her daughter had been raped three years ago and now she has a child.  The daughter was only 13!  YIKES!  I wonder what their lives were like before they moved to Georgia.  I find that situation so unfortunate!  I asked Shaunah if she could help bathe mom and such and stay with her three days out of the week.  A nurse of the hospital recommended that I hire someone.

I really hope that mom will not need such help--I pray to God about that.  I thought to ask Cynthia or Tacara... I wonder if they could?  I know that Cynthia said Sunday could work.  We'll see.  If mom really needs it then I will make it happen, but otherwise I will try to avoid it for a while.  I'm still getting used to this new life.  Oh, boy, may God help me to accept it.  I feel a fool to complain when it's mom who's really going through a substantial change.

As for the fast... I want to give up looking at porn and sexual images.  That's not an easy feat.  I just looked at some images, but not porn at least!  It's a process.  I hope that I avoid looking for all of 2014, but that is easier said than done.  I also hope to find some happiness from new employment and maybe from a girlfriend.  Who knows... if the year goes wel enough, I may even lease a Nissan Leaf!

I have no idea of what to expect from 2014.  I just hope that mom's health shall improve astronomically!  I also hope that I will not wallow in pity and sadness.  I hated this year's horrible turn of events.  I pray to God in Heaven that better days lie ahead in 2014.

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