An interesting day at work

I'm getting more engaged in my internship at the National Archives.  I feel the importance of the work and I "own" my responsibilities more than before.  I'm also starting to feel that this life is "normal" and not just something that I'm doing for 10 weeks.

I think that I am starting to like this work.

I should be paid tomorrow.  My payonline account says that I will be paid $1,900 ultimately, but I'm not sure that that is correct.  I expected to be paid twice that amount...  I wonder if I marked the tax information incorrectly?

Aww... man, I can manage with $1,900.  I could even go the other seven weeks with the $180 that I have and save all that I earn here.  I can be SUPER frugal if necessary.  But I was anticipating $700 from each bi-weekly paycheck.  I will verify and see what happens.  I was worried that I wouldn't even be paid this Friday, but the next one because my time card had not been signed by my supervisor.

The office had a meeting for about two hours on doing a webinar next week.  They have to do a lot of work to prepare for it.  I don't understand why they don't just teach in person.  I wonder why they are broadcasting the webinar?  I guess that they have to send it out to all the archives around the country.  That makes sense.  Hmm... from time to time, I really do forget how big the National Archives is.

Well, today was a significant day where I really felt that NARA was important and that the work of the Corporate Records Management office is important.  I will continue to do my best for all my co-workers.  I feel more motivated to do my best now.

I should hold my tongue?

My mom told me that my cousin and her family are having trouble paying their mortgage.  They are late with a payment.  I sent a text message to Tacara telling her to finish her studies and become a nurse anesthetist.  She got bothered by that and she told her mom and then her mom told mine and told me that I shouldn't have said that.  I told my mom not to tell me about other people's business.  I don't want to know or I'll get frustrated.  Last night I thought that I was a little loud on the phone.  I should have walked outside to talk to mom.  I think Nate and Pedro heard my conversation and got perturbed.  Well, whatever.  I barely speak to them.

I just feel like... I need to unload mentally and that I need to speak less often to my mother.  I wouldn't even feel all agitated if she hadn't told me about Tacara and her family.  I can't do anything to help them.  I even feel physically bad.

I ask myself now if I will ever be happy again or if my life is cursed?  What if I have seven years bad luck after breaking that mirror in France?  I don't really believe in superstitions, but maybe I am cursed?  I just feel miserable and inconsolable.  I'm sitting here at work at the National Archives and I'm tired.  I have a task but it is repetitive.

I thought that maybe I should have stayed in Georgia instead of coming to DC.  I just need to work one job and stay with it and be content.  I'll get over this bad mood eventually.  My mind is just inundated with too many negative thoughts right now and regrets over past actions.  I'm still regretful over my ineptitude as a teacher.  I still remember my co-teacher, Won Mi's words in that email about all my flaws.  I'm still healing from my experience in Korea.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  Maybe nothing, but I just feel like a failure.  I know that I have done some good things like earn As in my classes last semester, which I think I shall do this semester.  I think I may need to exclude my mother from my life.  I love her, but she does present a burden.

Then where shall I stay in NYC?  With Ma, Debbie, a courchsurfer?  I don't want to exclude my mom, but sometimes I think that I need to for my sanity.

I remember Carl's words about me when I was a boy--he would say that I was being over-dramatic or melodramatic.  Maybe he was right, but I know that I am not alright and that I do have some problems.  I know that I'm not dramatizing that.

I'm going to try to make this internship work.  I hope to be paid this Friday.  By the grace of God I shall be.

I really want to escape to a church today.  Maybe I can go to the Hughes Methodist Church this evening.