Valancia is Right

Hello to all who read this.

I just had a nice night out with a friend, Valancia, from high school.  I'm so happy that we're hanging out.  She's a fellow half-Haitian.  We have some things in common and it's just cool to get to know her again.
We went to see a movie, Red Tails, tonight.  The movie was pretty good.  I enjoyed the acting and the good messages in the film.  At times I wondered if everything was done true to the facts, but I believe the film was well made.

Well, I'm really thankful that I have Valancia to talk to.  Normally I cannot unroll my thoughts and feelings with Ian and Andrew.  At times I cannot even look at them in the eyes when I know that they've been smoking.  Iris, Ian's girlfriend, is here again for maybe the third consecutive night.  I guess this is their regular way of hanging out.  It's OK to hang out, but I am not happy when she sleeps over.  She's an OK person, but ... I am thinking to tell Ian to tell her to stop sleeping over at the house.

I am bad with confrontation, but I guess that I have to go through these trials to make me stronger.  Honestly I wish that I were not even at home.  (Sigh)  I don't want to be all negative and say that I ... well... to be honest, I do not like my family's situation.  I think we have been disfigured and mangled for a long time, in particular Ian, Andrew, my mother and Carl.  I think we have some ghosts and problems to deal with.

Hm... I'm too tired now.  I will go to bed soon.

Well, Valancia speaks like a woman of action and I admire her a lot for that.  I agree with her sentiments, but sometimes I ... am not strong enough to say the truth as much as it may be right in my mind.  Well, I pray that God give me the right words to say.

I also pray that I complete my courses this semester wonderfully and that I earn all As.  I also pray that my family will wake up to our problems and choose to live better and wisely.

May God be praised.

Ahh...

I need to breathe... my mind is inundated with so many thoughts.  Tomorrow I take the FSOT at Chattahoochee Technical College.  I'll take the 15 bus at 8:26 and then walk towards the college.  I'm glad that my testing center is so close to the house.

I am a bit sad right now.  I feel that I've been much too reclusive my entire life.  I hesitate too much, which I learned from working in France and in South Korea.  What is my problem?  Why don't I just go for what I want?  Why do I think everything through so thoroughly?

I feel like I've been denying myself of so much!  Now I don't know how to live.  I guess at some point in the past I decided to put most big, emotional events away until the future.  However, I have reached the age of 26 and ... I wonder where I'm going.

Well, maybe everything will eventually make sense.  I just feel that I'm living on hold and it's making see how ... sad I really am.

I think that I just want to feel free.  I kind of feel locked even though everything that I'm doing now has been my own choice.

Well... I guess things will be alright.  Having this blog as an outlet helps me a lot.  I suppose I'm waiting to finally have someone to relate with.  Valancia was a great friend last Tuesday night.  She treated us to dinner at a good restaurant in Smyrna's market village.  We also talked a lot about T.V. shows that we like.  We have much in common that surprised me.  I'll try to hang out with her again when we both have the time.

I feel better already.  I'm listening to music by Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.  Music is really therapeutic.

Until next time.