I am feeling better. This is good. I don't feel as suicidal and I don't hate my life as usual.
I am learning to juggle my expectations, my reality and just finding joy in everyday.
Mom and I went to Town Center Mall today. I got quite tired, but I saw how other people live and that they're happy. I remembered how idealistic I am and that I really do need to put that away or change it so that I can accept regular life in Georgia and just appreciate it.
I like to think that I'm "above" the consumer culture of the U.S. I do at times despise it and say to myself that people don't need all these things that they want. But... is it so bad to want smart phones, expensive food from the food court, over-priced clothing from Abercrombie and Fitch, etc.? I don't know... most countries of the world want to have all these things that Americans enjoy. Are they all truly happy with these things? I don't know. I guess so...
Going through university taught me not to over value all this stuff that 1st world citizens can enjoy. I wanted to honor living simply. I like living in other countries, but I'm errant for taking airplanes which pollute the air in order to realize my personal dreams of living abroad. Then I want to be preachy about the "right way" to live. I'm an oxymoron of what I at times try to expound to others.
So what now... how should I see the world? How should I think towards life? God and His Holy Word are my only solutions. As long as I stick with God, I'll know what to do with my life. I think my problem for now is trying to understand my direction in life and along with that, NOT OVER-THINKING!!!!! This is the single thing that is killing me and I'm neglecting that life is STILL going on around me! I can't continue the way I thought when I was 22. I can't pretend that I'm an island, I must engage in the world or I will only regret my insistence to keep myself segregated in society and mentally. In effect, I must learn to relax, and blend in instead of trying to be distinct.
I find that a bit scary. I adore my uniqueness, but now I'm learning that being one of the mass is not so bad. If I at least appreciate the world around me, then my mental stress will subside and I'll feel better about my new life with a mother recovering from a stroke.
I thank God for the little revelations that I have everyday.
I am learning to juggle my expectations, my reality and just finding joy in everyday.
Mom and I went to Town Center Mall today. I got quite tired, but I saw how other people live and that they're happy. I remembered how idealistic I am and that I really do need to put that away or change it so that I can accept regular life in Georgia and just appreciate it.
I like to think that I'm "above" the consumer culture of the U.S. I do at times despise it and say to myself that people don't need all these things that they want. But... is it so bad to want smart phones, expensive food from the food court, over-priced clothing from Abercrombie and Fitch, etc.? I don't know... most countries of the world want to have all these things that Americans enjoy. Are they all truly happy with these things? I don't know. I guess so...
Going through university taught me not to over value all this stuff that 1st world citizens can enjoy. I wanted to honor living simply. I like living in other countries, but I'm errant for taking airplanes which pollute the air in order to realize my personal dreams of living abroad. Then I want to be preachy about the "right way" to live. I'm an oxymoron of what I at times try to expound to others.
So what now... how should I see the world? How should I think towards life? God and His Holy Word are my only solutions. As long as I stick with God, I'll know what to do with my life. I think my problem for now is trying to understand my direction in life and along with that, NOT OVER-THINKING!!!!! This is the single thing that is killing me and I'm neglecting that life is STILL going on around me! I can't continue the way I thought when I was 22. I can't pretend that I'm an island, I must engage in the world or I will only regret my insistence to keep myself segregated in society and mentally. In effect, I must learn to relax, and blend in instead of trying to be distinct.
I find that a bit scary. I adore my uniqueness, but now I'm learning that being one of the mass is not so bad. If I at least appreciate the world around me, then my mental stress will subside and I'll feel better about my new life with a mother recovering from a stroke.
I thank God for the little revelations that I have everyday.
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