Mania

So.... Maybe mom's depression is causing me to feel depressed too? I think that this is true. We'll see how things unfold this week. That's to say, how I feel at week's end. I just applied for a Library Technician position with the Library of Congress. I would be a good fit for the position, but I worry still that I would be bored of it after a while. I think that I will go to the Republic of Georgia once the TLG program sends me an email to confirm my position. It may be the least wise decision in terms of money, but I'm not getting far with reducing mom's depression. I prefer to make myself happy even if I can't convince her to be happy. I think I'll be risky and sign the contract to teach in Georgia and be on my way. I'm reading two books on the country, one a juvenile country book on Georgia and the other an adult book called something like Georgia, poetry of the Caucasus. The adult book is quite good and the juvenile one is very informative. I'm such a crazy dreamer. I can't be satiated by Georgia. It bores me to think of only living here. I'm not doing the state justice, but my mind is too boundless to be restrained to Georgia. I need to explore a little more and broaden my horizons on life. I may end up making "mistakes" but I'm willing to risk that in order to have more adventure and happiness in the way that I want to achieve them! HA! I'm so diabolical! What makes me relent is that I'm concerned that if I do get a well paying position in Georgia, then I should keep it to earn more money and enjoy that life. I could also pay off my student loans in a few years. But what will make me happy? Simply fitting in and taming myself? Will that be enough? Hm... if I open myself enough to local life, then yes. It has taken me SO LONG to reach a point of compromise. I was so UNWILLING to admit defeat. How could I the great traveler/adventurer/English teacher succumb to life in Georgia? Now I am SO CONFUSED about how to continue my life endeavors. I get worried about whether I will ever settle down. Perhaps I shan't and the airplane and the open sky will be my consistent home. Oh, alas... what does my future hold? I know not, but I dare to dream and challenge what could be. Oh... destiny, advenure, the challenge of countries unknown to me... OH, it does rile me up and excite me for I could do and see and experience. Am I fool to dare so much or... am I wise to challenge? My heart says... GO! Stride forth in complete confidence and touch your foot everywhere that you dare! I may be a maniac, but at least I'm listening to my heart and soul.